So I want to thank you

VANESSA PLACE

So I want to thank you for being willing
to serve a very disturbing case;
very difficult subject matter.

Q NO FURTHER QUESTIONS.

I’m not a keen believer in legal fictions.

Before when they give me my sentence,
I seen this Nigga getting his shit.
This Nigga was so hurt man…
Bus, we was on the bus and
Nigga was so hurt,
Like we leaving,
Like, he getting out

And we leaving on the bus
…this Nigga get off the bus
and put his head down
like he was hurting.

Man….
You good though?

I am growing increasingly frustrated
By this misstatement of the law.

I’m a lady’s man, I’m not no monster.

YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED
THE LAW SAYS IT’S AGAINST THE LAW
TO TAKE A PICTURE IN THE COURTHOUSE.

You don’t have to be a jerk
to be a good attorney.
In fact, most of the best ones
are not jerks.
I think you should be glad
about that.

If I was a jury, I would have found me guilty, too. You know, the jury has kids and everything. I—everybody on the streets, they know what I am in jail for. They all say, “He got hisself caught up.” Don’t nobody believe the story. And the jury found me guilty because they in society, and they got kids. They going to find you guilty anyway. Like me. If I was on the streets and I would have been a juror, I would have found that person guilty.

THE COURT: DO YOU UNDERSTAND AND AGREE?
THE WITNESS: IT IS OVER.
THE COURT: LISTEN AND ANSWER—
THE WITNESS: IT IS OVER.
THE COURT: —MY QUESTION, PLEASE.
THE WITNESS: IT IS OVER.

But in movies—you watch these movies and like the President will be sitting next to his cabin member and they are like, Mr. President, we need the nuclear code and the President is like, This is a delicious piece of chocolate cake or whatever. They are talking as if you can talk in a helicopter. And I am telling you that you cannot talk in a helicopter.

BELIEVE IT OR NOT, IT WAS EVEN COLDER THIS MORNING. I’VE OPENED THIS DOOR HERE, EVEN THOUGH IT ARGUABLY IS A VIOLATION OF THE FIRE CODE, TO TRY TO GET SOME OF THE WARM AIR IN THERE TO COME IN HERE. BUT I’M NOT SURE EXACTLY HOW LONG IT’S GOING TO TAKE FOR THEM TO RAISE THE TEMPERATURE. OFTEN WHAT HAPPENS IS THEY REALLY RAISE IT, AND THEN IT’S GOING TO BE UNCOMFORTABLE.

I’M WEARING MY HEAVY ROBE TODAY.

I have had the misfortune of riding in lots of helicopters in my life. Every time I watch a movie with people in helicopters, I get upset. Because what happens in movies—these are probably from people who—I don’t know if it’s the director or the writer who has never been in a helicopter, but you will see on TV and movies people sitting in helicopters and they are just talking like I am talking to you. Just like helicopters aren’t noisy. Like the laws of physics don’t require a helicopter to make this whirling sound that you can hear literally from like 10 miles away. I can hear the helicopter. It’s coming my way.

Even this gentleman right here,
This gentleman was doing this right
Like this to me.
Even him, the bailiff seen this man
Every time he come up in here,
He does the same thing.

He look at me, laugh,
Giggle, and take this guy
For a joke.

THE WITNESS: IT IS OVER.
THE COURT: DO YOU UNDERSTAND AND AGREE?
THE WITNESS: IT IS OVER.
THE COURT: LISTEN AND ANSWER—
THE WITNESS: IT IS OVER.
THE COURT: —MY QUESTION PLEASE.
THE WITNESS: IT IS OVER.

Don’t, don’t you feel better now though? Don’t you feel like you’re starting to take some weight off? Talk to me, tell me about it.

Q WERE YOU TRYING TO KILL YOURSELF?
A PROBABLY

PROSECUTOR: MY CONCERN IS THAT I DON’T WANT APPELLATE ISSUES IN THIS CASE. MY CONCERN IS I DON’T WANT APPELLATE ISSUES IN THIS CASE.
THE COURT: I DIDN’T HEAR THAT.
PROSECUTOR: MY CONCERN IS I DON’T WANT APPELLATE ISSUES IN THIS CASE.

You know, like human, you’re a police officer.
And you are strange to me that I am telling you
all of these things. But in a way man it’s like
I feel love for you.
I appreciate that.
Yeah.

THERE YOU GO.
RESPECTFULLY SPEAKING, YOU KNOW,
I NEVER WANTED TO BE A LAWYER AND
NEVER WANTED TO BE A JUDGE.

I’M A COMMON KIND OF GUY, YOU KNOW?
LIKE I ALWAYS SAID, I TOOK BASIC MATH.
I TOOK ONE COURSE OF BASIC MATH
IN 10TH GRADE AND COULDN’T GRADUATE
COLLEGE TODAY OR FROM HIGH SCHOOL,
OR, LEAST OF ALL, LAW SCHOOL.

SO I HAVE TWO FEET ON THE GROUND.
AND I AM A COMMON KIND OF GUY.
I USED TO CHANGE TIRES.

THE DEFENDANT: I WANT MY APPEAL. FILE MY APPEAL. FUCK THAT SHIT.

I think if he’s convicted, it will be the first issue on appeal, and—

THE COURT: THE LAST THING?
COUNSEL: THIS IS THE LAST ONE. ISN’T THAT GOOD?
THE COURT: OH, MY GOD, BE STILL MY BEATING HEART.

I don’t give a fuck.
Fuck this court.
Fuck you. Fuck that bitch, too.
I don’t give a fuck.
I’ll be all right.
I love ya’ll.

VANESSA PLACE was a poet, critic, conceptual artist, and criminal appellate defence attorney.